Monday, March 22, 2010

The Luxury of a Desert

I know I haven't written in a bit. Sorry. When I started out on this journey of experiencing the mystical side of my chosen faith I had some idea of what I would walk through, but no real clear understanding. Over the past two months of not blogging I have walked through some things where I am having to choose whether or not to share openly about my experiences.

This is why the desert fathers' hung out in the desert, because their experiences were so personal, so profound, they didn't want to share. They simply wanted to hang out in the desert alone and have more experiences. So do I. However, I do not have the luxury of a desert or the calling to go find one.

So I have chosen to share what I can communicate with words.

I am learning that walking out a mystical lifestyle which encounters the supernatural side of my faith requires constant positioning of the heart. I recently learned that every process I go through is simply a situation that has been designed to position my heart where it needs to be to hear and receive the fullness of what God has for me.

Every situation.

Then someone shared with me that if this is truly the case, then I have the opportunity to position my heart without going through the situations.

So, I have been busy positioning my heart. I am rearranging my finances. I am changing my mindsets and asking the questions I didn't want answers to.

Then God began to show me how he views me.

Did you know that he waits for us? He doesn't violate us by coming in and taking over. If I have a wall between me and him, then he waits for me to move it.

He waits for me.

I don't think I have ever been waited for. He is sitting patiently on the other side of all of this junk waiting for me to remove it so he can be for me what I cannot be for myself. I have found that I hold him at a distance for fear that he will leave me, when all he has done my whole life is patiently wait. Just for me.

I have also found that in positioning my heart to receive from God in every way, I can and have, come to the end of myself. I can do nothing else to advance myself in my own life. I fully expect that the One who loves me most is my answer and will explode on me here shortly. And I fully expect to come to this time once again, where I have reached the end of myself.

This is the part where I am learning to be rescued. I reach the end of myself and find that I am not enough. I never have been and never will be enough to propel myself into the destiny the Creator has for me. I have to be rescued from myself. From thinking I can do it on my own and that everything will be fine if I can just 'fix it'. I need him. In a very desperate way. And in return, he loves me in a very desperate way.

I am about to be rescued by the One who loves me most.

If I could share anything with you that can take many a lifetime to learn, it would be, to let Jesus in to rescue you from yourself. It is not an intelligent decision in which information sets our intellect at ease. It is a spiritual encounter in which we expose our deepest fears and greatest dreams and we allow the breath of heaven to wash away the fears and explode life into the dreams. It is a journey that takes a lifetime to walk and gives us a destiny to fulfill. It is the hope of Jesus Christ made manifest through his people.