Positioning for Justice

I am learning about a spiritual concept called positioning yourself for justice. Basically I learn about the ways of God and then follow them. Then when something gets you in a hard spot God can act on your behalf in justice because of your position.

For instance:

I am currently learning how to be a good steward of finances. About two years ago I didn't trust God and depended on a different way then his. Now I am not justified for him to act on my behalf because I chose to not do things his way. To re-position myself for him to act on my behalf and to provide for me financially, I have to repent of not trusting him. So I did. Now I am working through my bad decisions knowing God is justified to act on my behalf and provide for me as I live by faith because I have positioned myself correctly.

In every area of my life I am asking God to help me position myself for his justice. If I repent and turn from what he reveals to me then I am opening myself up for God to provide for me in ways I can't even imagine. He continues to tell me that he wants to provide in crazy awesome ways and I want to see it. However, I must remove from my life what is not pleasing to him so that it makes room for what he wants to give me.

I am looking forward to posting a follow up on this concept of positioning for justice. I can't wait to let God blow me away with what he has for me.

Here @ ISD

I am currently enrolled in the Institute for Spiritual Development and this is what a normal week will look like.

Monday
9am-9pm
work duty, class, study, worship, work out.

Tuesday
9am-9pm
same

Wednesday
9am-9pm
Same

Thursday
9am-9pm
same

Friday
9am-5.30pm
same

These times don't include getting ready for the day, time for homework, quiet time, working out, homework projects, book readings, book reports, or personal stuff like calling the fam or doing laundry.

Needless to say when learning about spiritual development life is very full.

Finding God

I am at the place that people usually find God. At the very end of myself where everything is totally out of my control. On the edge of losing what I can barely grasp as my perceptions of reality slowly and surely slip right through my fingers.

Again and again I have asked that God use me to display His manifest glory on this earth. That I might be proof to all I come in contact with that God indeed exists. He is undeniable. Always.

So here I am. In the middle of that prayer. The difficult reality of that prayer is that to be a living reality of who God is will always place me in impossible situations that I cannot rescue myself from.

I cannot rescue myself. Ever.

Is it the end of the world if I sell my car and lose good standing with financial institutions? No. Not really. But it sure is the end of a good witness. Sometimes I wonder what kind of a witness I am. Constantly getting into situations I cannot get myself out of. Silly humanity.

This is why I need a God whose love is never ending and everlasting. I can make the best decisions I can with all the counsel I have access to and I still end up in need. Because I need Him. Because I will always need Him.

So here I am in the middle of a deadly prayer while I feel like the world is coming to end and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Nothing.

I am waiting. I have done all I know to do and now I wait. I am waiting for the end of the prayer where I ask to be an example. At the end of that prayer God again proves who He is. In spite of my humanity and constant need of rescuing, He still saves me. Not because I am testing His love by making bad decisions over and over, but by doing all I know to do with what He has taught me and letting him fill in the rest.

So here it is. He is about to fill in the rest. Are you ready to see that God is who He says He is?

Learning the ways of Ruach

In the system of faith I profess to there is God the Father, Jesus the Son, and Ruach the Holy Spirit. There is much known about God the Father and Jesus the Son, but very little understanding or knowledge on Ruach the Holy Spirit. I am learning about the Holy Spirit and his personality. He is a person. Not male or female. The comforter, the teacher, and the promise. Although the Holy Spirit is very powerful and extremely strong, he is also INCREDIBLY sensitive.

Growing up I was a very spiritually aware child. I dealt with many fears and insecurities. It took me a long time to work through a very long and deep shy stage. As I got older I found that some of my awareness faded, but only because I was consistently approached and told I was overly sensitive. While I do believe children must learn how to control their emotions and not be ruled by them, I have also learned that children can lose their sensitivity by the introduction of fears and doubts by the adults and peers that surround them.

So to survive and not be "overly sensitive", I shut down and hardened my heart.

As I have opened myself up to what the Spirit wants to teach me here I am learning to be like him. To walk closely to him and to be constantly aware of what he is speaking to me. About 3 weeks ago my world exploded in this pursuit of relationship with the Holy Spirit.

Almost a year ago I heard a story about a small child and his father. The father had been over-hearing the son talking to himself and in speaking with the child learned that the child was having conversations with an angel. In seeking wisdom in how to handle the situation the father asked his spiritual leader what should be done. The leader encouraged him to question the child on their interaction. So one day the father hears the son again having a conversation with an unseen person. The father enters and asks who the son is speaking to and the child again says an angel. The father asks him where the angel is and the son points to the area of the room the angel is in. The father then asks the small child why the child can see the angel and the father cannot. The child inquires and responds by saying that the father had seen too much evil and his heart had become calloused. But if he worked on being sensitive his heart would soften and he would be able to see again. The child was only 4.

I have sought God for many years for my eyes to be opened again. Slowly but surely I am awakening from the slumber I thought would save me.
A slumber that only made me blind.

I want to share what that looks like on a practical level. For me personally there are many movies I cannot watch or music I cannot listen to. Because I am not strong enough? No. Because I am sensitive. The best way I can think of to describe this is a man who is strong and silent. Think of a football player. He tackles in strength and power but you put his child on the line and he is in tears. The tears don't make him weak, they simply display his sensitivity. I know I am an extremely strong woman. I have fought many battles that have brought my level of skill above my age. Yet my heart still breaks when I see fellow warriors suffer. There is much pain in life but I am determined to allow my heart to break when God's heart breaks, no matter how much it hurts.

When I allow my heart to break when God's heart breaks, then I begin to see what God can see. More then anything in life I am determined to see what God can see and what Ruach the holy Spirit wants me to see.

Crazy in LOVE

I have finally met a man. One I trust completely and without hindrance.
EVERY STINKIN DAY he tells me how amazing I am.

We already have this little thing we do. Wherever we go he points out beauty to me and then tells me how it is a reflection of who God created me to be. He is tender and compassionate. He gently points out the incorrect mindsets I have and is graciously helping me overcome them.

He is also strong. I don't get away with squat. He lets me know exactly where he stands and we are honest with each other so that there is no guessing game in our relationship. I don't like surprises that much but he has assured me that all of his surprises are good. All of his surprises are good.

He stretches me to face my fears while holding me tight to protect me. He speaks truth into the lies I have believed for so very long. Little by little every day I am beginning to believe him. I am beginning to believe that:

I am lovable.
I am beautiful.
I am a warrior and I am a princess.
I am hug-able.
I am a delight.
I need someone to take care of me.

This is an overwhelming process. To be loved. To be desired and wanted. To know that every moment I sleep and every moment I am awake there is someone madly, desperately in love with who I am. The amazing thing is, he is in love with you too.

This is the faith I profess. That the One I love created me to love him back and ALL of history is the story of this epic romance. Again and again I run, fearful that he will find out what he already knows. I can't live without him. I can't live without Jesus.

Jesus is the one who speaks to all my dreams. He calls my destiny into fullness and hope into my heart. He breathes life into broken places and restores painful journeys.

He is the one that knows what I love. What things stir my heart. What moves me to compassion. He speaks to the deepest parts of me that no one else can see and helps me to realize that He can see me. He can hear me. He knows me. and He desires every bit of it.

He told me I was coming here to fall in love all over again.
And I have.
Totally and completely crazy in love with Jesus.

Dreamer

I have this dream. Not a dream I have at night, but one I have in my heart.

I have grown up in church. I have heard bible stories ALL MY LIFE.

But that is all they were, stories. It became my dream to know that everything the bible says is true and real and God is who He says He is and I am who He says I am. This is why I am on the journey I am. I want to know God for who He really is, not what my culture says, or church leaders, or even limit Him by what I know of Him through the word.

Last weekend I saw that God really is who He says He is. He still moves in mighty and awesome ways. I was healed last weekend of a long time issue with heart palpitations. I never told anyone because I don't have the time or money to focus on that simple thing. Besides, what you focus on you make room for, right?

Have you ever really read through the old testament in the bible? Did you know most of your hero stories come from it? The Incredible Hulk is after Samson. Cinderella is after Esther. Noah and the people of his time were the first to see rain. Moses lead an entire nation out of bondage. But even more than these are the wonders.

Elijah was taken up in a whirlwind. Enoch walked with God and was no more. Jonah was swallowed by a fish. Ravens fed Elijah. Jacob saw a ladder with angels ascending and descending from heaven. Daniel held a conversation with the archangel Michael and was then in a den with hungry lions who couldn't eat him. And that's just the well known stuff.

My desire is to know God and have these stories be my own. Because then God is who He says He is and I am who He says I am.

This is my current meditation:
God is who He says He is.
I am who God says I am.
EVERYTHING in the bible is for me today.

I am preparing myself to experience some pretty crazy awesome stuff just because these are the things I want to believe.
Power encounters where I remove myself and let God prove himself in a completely undeniable way.

The Simple Life

For a long, long time I have had a personal perspective that the supernatural workings of Jesus Christ were intended to be practical provision for His people. Such as, if you are sick, healing comes because that is how He provides for us.

I am currently living in an entire community of people who have chosen to live this way whether or not they understand the theology behind it.

Monday through Friday of last week God multiplied our food EVERY SINGLE DAY. Technically we counted the servings and there WAS NOT ENOUGH by our calculations! I always knew God was better at math than I was.

There has not passed a day that I am not prayed for. Not typical "Jesus loves you" prayers either. Destiny prayers. Prayers that speak to your deepest fears and set you free. Prayers that speak to your deepest desires to confirm they are really from God. Prayers that define who you are according the the Heart of the One Who is Madly in Love with His people.

I cry all the time. While I cook, when I go to bed, when I rise, when I worship, when the teacher is speaking, when I am alone, when I am in a group. So much that I have believed about myself has been a lie!!!!! And the very things I want to believe are truly how He looks at me.

All the while I am learning the language of God. Everything around me speaks of Him. What I paint, the pots I cook with, the food I eat, the conversations I have, the way I breath is a testimony to the One I love. Imagine freeing up yourself to believe that the things that are happening to you are speaking to your life. They aren't merely "life", God is speaking to me and I get to figure out what He is saying.

I have experienced time slowing down for us. Seriously. My roomie experienced the supernatural growth of her leg by an inch. As an intern I am experiencing transformation right in front of my eyes.

I am learning on an even deeper level, who I am, just because I am living simply. I listen to God, grow in what He speaks to me; cook natural, healthy food; clean; and take time for God to change the order in which it all happens. Because when I live simply I begin to see God in everything. Why I stopped at that red light. Why I missed that person by 3 seconds. Why I changed the meal plan. Why I made that phone call. Why I got that shirt.
The One I love is constantly weaving a tapestry of my life and if I live a simple one I can actually be a part of the process instead of seeing the whole thing at the end of my life.

This is what it means to live a simple life.
This is how we learn the languages of God, because we have time.