The day after I chose to die I woke up totally numb emotionally, which is rather rare being an incredibly sensitive person. I couldn't feel a thing. It was as if I was lying on my back on the bottom of a lake. It was murky and there was a consistent constant pressure all around me. This is how it felt even while spending time with God. I flipped through my bible and began to read what I had underlined in the past and this is what stood out to me. (PS. 62:5-6; 66:16-20; 68:12&20)
Let all that I am wait quietly before God for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation my fortress where I will not be shaken.
Come and listen all you who fear God and I will tell you what He did for me!
For I cried out to Him for help, praising Him as I spoke. If I had not confessed the sin in my heart the Lord would not have listened.
But God DID listen!! He paid attention to my prayer!!
Praise God who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw His unfailing love from me. Enemy kings and their armies flee, while the women of Israel divide the plunder.
Our God is a God who saves!! The sovereign Lord rescues us from death!!
At the end of the day I got what I needed to stay in my missions program. It was like watching someone gasp for air. I was raised from the bottom of the lake and life breathed into me once again. While it was a complete relief to know I was staying and God wanted me here, the battle is not over. I am still on the front lines pushing through to see others be at the very place I just came from.
And I am still pushing through to stay. I have enough for February and I am fighting to stay for the following 5 months. It helps knowing God wants me here. So here I will stay. Because Jesus is in the resurrection business and He resurrected me AND my dreams.
Let all that I am wait quietly before God for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation my fortress where I will not be shaken.
Come and listen all you who fear God and I will tell you what He did for me!
For I cried out to Him for help, praising Him as I spoke. If I had not confessed the sin in my heart the Lord would not have listened.
But God DID listen!! He paid attention to my prayer!!
Praise God who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw His unfailing love from me. Enemy kings and their armies flee, while the women of Israel divide the plunder.
Our God is a God who saves!! The sovereign Lord rescues us from death!!
At the end of the day I got what I needed to stay in my missions program. It was like watching someone gasp for air. I was raised from the bottom of the lake and life breathed into me once again. While it was a complete relief to know I was staying and God wanted me here, the battle is not over. I am still on the front lines pushing through to see others be at the very place I just came from.
And I am still pushing through to stay. I have enough for February and I am fighting to stay for the following 5 months. It helps knowing God wants me here. So here I will stay. Because Jesus is in the resurrection business and He resurrected me AND my dreams.