Finding God

I am at the place that people usually find God. At the very end of myself where everything is totally out of my control. On the edge of losing what I can barely grasp as my perceptions of reality slowly and surely slip right through my fingers.

Again and again I have asked that God use me to display His manifest glory on this earth. That I might be proof to all I come in contact with that God indeed exists. He is undeniable. Always.

So here I am. In the middle of that prayer. The difficult reality of that prayer is that to be a living reality of who God is will always place me in impossible situations that I cannot rescue myself from.

I cannot rescue myself. Ever.

Is it the end of the world if I sell my car and lose good standing with financial institutions? No. Not really. But it sure is the end of a good witness. Sometimes I wonder what kind of a witness I am. Constantly getting into situations I cannot get myself out of. Silly humanity.

This is why I need a God whose love is never ending and everlasting. I can make the best decisions I can with all the counsel I have access to and I still end up in need. Because I need Him. Because I will always need Him.

So here I am in the middle of a deadly prayer while I feel like the world is coming to end and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Nothing.

I am waiting. I have done all I know to do and now I wait. I am waiting for the end of the prayer where I ask to be an example. At the end of that prayer God again proves who He is. In spite of my humanity and constant need of rescuing, He still saves me. Not because I am testing His love by making bad decisions over and over, but by doing all I know to do with what He has taught me and letting him fill in the rest.

So here it is. He is about to fill in the rest. Are you ready to see that God is who He says He is?