In the system of faith I profess to there is God the Father, Jesus the Son, and Ruach the Holy Spirit. There is much known about God the Father and Jesus the Son, but very little understanding or knowledge on Ruach the Holy Spirit. I am learning about the Holy Spirit and his personality. He is a person. Not male or female. The comforter, the teacher, and the promise. Although the Holy Spirit is very powerful and extremely strong, he is also INCREDIBLY sensitive.
Growing up I was a very spiritually aware child. I dealt with many fears and insecurities. It took me a long time to work through a very long and deep shy stage. As I got older I found that some of my awareness faded, but only because I was consistently approached and told I was overly sensitive. While I do believe children must learn how to control their emotions and not be ruled by them, I have also learned that children can lose their sensitivity by the introduction of fears and doubts by the adults and peers that surround them.
So to survive and not be "overly sensitive", I shut down and hardened my heart.
As I have opened myself up to what the Spirit wants to teach me here I am learning to be like him. To walk closely to him and to be constantly aware of what he is speaking to me. About 3 weeks ago my world exploded in this pursuit of relationship with the Holy Spirit.
Almost a year ago I heard a story about a small child and his father. The father had been over-hearing the son talking to himself and in speaking with the child learned that the child was having conversations with an angel. In seeking wisdom in how to handle the situation the father asked his spiritual leader what should be done. The leader encouraged him to question the child on their interaction. So one day the father hears the son again having a conversation with an unseen person. The father enters and asks who the son is speaking to and the child again says an angel. The father asks him where the angel is and the son points to the area of the room the angel is in. The father then asks the small child why the child can see the angel and the father cannot. The child inquires and responds by saying that the father had seen too much evil and his heart had become calloused. But if he worked on being sensitive his heart would soften and he would be able to see again. The child was only 4.
I have sought God for many years for my eyes to be opened again. Slowly but surely I am awakening from the slumber I thought would save me.
A slumber that only made me blind.
I want to share what that looks like on a practical level. For me personally there are many movies I cannot watch or music I cannot listen to. Because I am not strong enough? No. Because I am sensitive. The best way I can think of to describe this is a man who is strong and silent. Think of a football player. He tackles in strength and power but you put his child on the line and he is in tears. The tears don't make him weak, they simply display his sensitivity. I know I am an extremely strong woman. I have fought many battles that have brought my level of skill above my age. Yet my heart still breaks when I see fellow warriors suffer. There is much pain in life but I am determined to allow my heart to break when God's heart breaks, no matter how much it hurts.
When I allow my heart to break when God's heart breaks, then I begin to see what God can see. More then anything in life I am determined to see what God can see and what Ruach the holy Spirit wants me to see.
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